Sexy is my Ideal Weight

I Don’t Know How to Fashion!

Fashion. Beauty. Makeup.

These are all things I have always liked perhaps even loved. But my relationship with fashion was a closet one.

Growing up in poverty, I had always felt that the fashion world would never be for me. Something I can see but never touch.

When I was in elementary school, I wanted to be a boy because that is what my dad wanted, a son. I tried my hardest to mimic what men would do, such as spitting and sitting in a way that takes up the most space, standing in wide stances and always making angry faces.

Two years before I entered middle school, I started my menses and the realization that I am in fact a girl kicked in. However, I was scared of wearing makeup and dressing up nicely in dresses and such. You see, since I started my menses early within one year I had grown from an A cup to a C cup. And since my breasts were much larger compared to all the rest of the 4th graders and 5th graders I was called a slut. Instead of embracing my boobs and realizing that my peers were simply jealous of me I succumbed to hiding my boobs in huge black sweaters and jackets that I wore religiously all through my school years.

The last year of high school I was already a DD but I was still hidden away. In fact my friends thought I was fat and that I was embarrassed of my belly. One day it was particularly hot, like dry air 100 degrees and up hot and I just couldn’t withstand it any longer inside of my huge dark navy turtle neck. That was the first time that many of my friends, especially the male ones, had seen me outside of my sweater.

It made me feel good that everyone loved my figure though I still would be called names. And so on again I felt I didn’t deserve to dress up nicely. All I ever wore was over-sized hand-me-down jeans with hand-me-down tshirts or school shirts.

Till this day, that type of clothing is my security blanket. Plain and over-sized.

Then something pretty major happened in my life and I realized I can do whatever I want. I can wear whatever I want.

I was always scared of people calling me names but when I look back they were already calling me those names. And why? Just cuz I had something they didn’t. Large breasts, hourglass figure.

I want to do everything that I missed out when I was little. I want to wear makeup and dress cutely and fashionably. Most importantly I also want to dress sexually.  I wan’t to own up to my figure and dress it appropriately emphasizing my greatest features.

But, I don’t know how.

So, this is me and that was my backstory and reason as to why I will be doing some of the things I do.

Welcome to my side journey of discovering my fashion side. Hope it’s enjoyable!

Lots of Love,
Silva Martina


Categories: Beauty, Diary

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